What you Should Know about Desire

Hi Readers!

Have you heard about the two ways one can start to feel desire? Many of us will have experiences where we felt both of these. That being said, some people feel more aligned to one than the other. 

So…what are the two ways to feel desire? In no particular order:

Spontaneous desire

This is when you feel sexy without external stimulus. It’s less about the environment being explicitly sexy; it can feel like your desire came from nowhere, spontaneously.

Responsive desire

This is when you begin to feel sexy only after some of the things that turn you on start to happen. This can be a physical touch, a change in environment, etc.

Culturally, and thanks to our friend Hollywood, there is way more emphasis on spontaneous desire. Guess what?? It doesn’t happen like the movies and TV series, AND. THAT. IS. OKAY. 

Many situations, environment, life events impact our desire such as parenting, mental and physical health, trauma, stress… I’m sure you can continue this list. 

By not taking these circumstances into consideration, we end up putting too much pressure on ourselves / our couples and are not conscious that these factors play a big role in our desire. 

Desire doesn’t have to be 0 to 100. There are another 99 numbers in between. 

Be kind to one another. Be kind to yourself. 

Julia, Sexologist