Parents of trans* children

Hi Readers!

In this week’s article I would like to focus on the needs of the parents of trans* children. We mostly focus on the child going through a transition and the impacts and effects it has on their lives – and rightly so! They are the ones that have to deal with a lot of opinions (which they did not ask for), looks, questions, etc. But we also need to think about the parents of these children. They too will get those looks, questions, opinions, etc. They also have needs and will want and need to be supported. 

If you have a friend or family member going through this transition, keep these tips in mind as your friend or relative might not be ready to speak to a Sexologist or Psychologist yet, but they will really appreciate your support. And if you, reader, are a parent of a trans* child, know that I am here for you.

When they’re ready, these parents will want to talk through the experiences and prejudices they are facing as they go through this journey with their child. Lend an ear. Listen to them, hear what they are saying. You will learn so much about what a parent and child are going through during this time. This may also be helpful if you want to be an ally and explain to others that are around this family how they can help rather than being judgmental. 

If you are not equipped with this information, you may want to help them find the information they need about trans*, the different terms, information and clarifications on the steps there child will be going through, deconstruct and demystify all the myths around trans*. In the UK, Mermaids has existed since 1995 to support trans and gender-diverse children.

Parents may want to have discussions with the school and other environments their child may come across to make sure it is a smooth transition and that it is a safe environment for their child. 

Parents of trans* children may feel a sense of guilt, questioning their parenting skills, etc. They will want to talk about their own feelings regarding this; people’s judgement, gaze, questions, concerns, etc. There will also be a stage when they will talk about their child’s future, how they see their child, etc. All you need to do is be supportive and listen. Be present! Show up for your friend or relative.

All parents react differently. In some cases, one of the two parents may be in complete shock and may not want to hear, participate or accept any of this and it can be an additional barrier for the parent and the child. 

When a child is going through a transition, the parents also have to deal with questions from family members and friends and they often find themselves explaining what’s going on repeatedly. This can be tiring and frustrating. So, if you are a family member or friend of parents of trans* children, please be respectful. Give them space. Let them know that you are there for them (if you are actually there for them and not just wanting information…) Just knowing that they have a support system will help a lot. 

There will be a grieving phase as they are losing a child and gaining another. Even though that child may still like the same things, have the same personality, it is not the child that they brought into the world. It is all part of the process. 

And don’t forget that even during all of this and while working through their own feelings, questions and emotions, they will have to support their child and be with them through their process. 

If you are a parent of a trans* child and would like to talk, please contact to set up an appointment. 

If you need any additional information, please contact me on depetrillojulia@gmail.com

Be kind to one another!

Julia, Sexologist

Julia, Sexologist Blog

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Resources for victims of domestic violence

Hi Readers! 

As part of domestic violence awareness month, I wanted to list some resources for victims of domestic violence. 

United Kingdom

Organisations for women

  • National Domestic Abuse helpline

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is a freephone 24 hour helpline which provides advice and support to women and can refer them to emergency accommodation.The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is run by Refuge. (www.refuge.org.uk )www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

  • Women’s Aid

The Women’s Aid website provides a wide range of resources to help women and young people. www.womensaid.org.uk

  • Rights of Women

Rights of Women offers confidential legal advice on domestic and sexual violence. www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

  • Finding Legal Options for Women Survivors (FLOWS)

FLOWS gives legal advice to women who are affected by domestic abuse – they also give advice to front line workers.https://www.rcjadvice.org.uk/family/flows-finding-legal-options-for-women-survivors/    

  • Southall Black Sisters

Southall Black Sisters provide advice for Black (Asian and African-Caribbean) women with issues including domestic abuse, forced marriage, immigration and homelessness.www.southallblacksisters.org.uk

Organisations for men

  • Respect – Men’s Advice Line

The Men’s Advice Line is a confidential helpline for all men experiencing domestic violence by a current or ex-partner. www.mensadviceline.org.uk

  • ManKind Initiative

Information and support on reporting incidents, police procedures, housing, benefits and injunctions. They can refer you to a refuge, local authority or other another support service if you need it. new.mankind.org.uk

  • SurvivorsUK

This is a helpline for men who have been victims of rape or sexual abuse www.survivorsuk.org

  • Everyman Project

National helpline which offers advice to anyone worried about their own, or someone else’s, violent or abusive behaviour. Website: www.everymanproject.co.uk.

Organisations for women and men

  • RCJ Advice Family Service

RCJ Advice Family Service can give legal advice to people who are affected by domestic abuse or need family law help – find out more on the RCJ Advice website.

  • Rape Crisis

The website has contact details for centres and gives basic information about rape and sexual violence for survivors, friends, family, students and professionals. Rape Crisis (England and Wales) also runs a freephone helpline. www.rapecrisis.org.uk

  • Honour Network Helpline

The Honour Network Helpline is a national helpline run by Karma Nirvana, a national charity which advises victims and survivors of forced marriage and honour-based abuse. www.karmanirvana.org.uk

  • Action on Elder Abuse

Action on Elder Abuse gives confidential advice and information to older people who are victims of violence or abuse. The helpline can be used in the case of older people who live at home, in a care home or who are in hospital. www.elderabuse.org.uk

  • National Stalking Helpline

The National Stalking Helpline can provide advice on how to deal with any type of stalking behaviour. www.stalkinghelpline.org

  • Respect Phoneline

Offers information and advice to partners, friends and family who want to stop someone’s violent behaviour. www.respectphoneline.org.uk

Organisations for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people

  • National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline

Galop provides support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people experiencing domestic violence.  www.galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/

Organisations for disabled people

  • SignHealth – Domestic Abuse Service

SignHealth provides a specialist domestic abuse service to help Deaf people find safety and security. You can find out how to contact them on their website. www.signhealth.org.uk/with-deaf-people/domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-service/

  • Respond

Respond work with children and adults with learning disabilities who’ve either experienced abuse or abused other people. www.respond.org.uk

CANADIAN RESOURCES

For Canadian resources, please visit https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/victims-victimes/vsd-rsv/agencies-agences.aspx  There is an interactive map. There are hundreds of resources for the entire country. You can search by province and city. 

Please feel free to contact me if you would like more information on our counselling and workshop services.

Be kind to one another!

Julia, Sexologist

Julia, Sexologist Blog

We are here to help you grow. To improve, maintain and restore your sexual health. To help keep this blog going, any contribution will be helpful.

5.00 £